That’s the thing with grief. It is always there, stalking your every move from the shadows. You know it, you carry the burden but are still powerless when it pounces to consume you.
For Andrew Robertson, grief clamped on to him in a Glasgow hotel room on Tuesday, hours before one of the biggest nights of his career. Alone with his thoughts, pondering the prospect of potentially reaching the World Cup finals, the only person on his mind was his mate ‘Jots’.
‘I think I have hidden it well but I’ve been in bits,’ he told Kelly Cates on the BBC. Hampden Park was in rhapsody, the 4-2 beating of Denmark uncorking a fizz of delight, but as with anyone who has suffered recent bereavement, those happy occasions are often confusing.
‘I know the age I’m at now, this might be my last chance at a World Cup,’ Robertson continued, his voice cracking. ‘I couldn’t get my mate Diogo Jota out of my head. We spoke so much together about the World Cup.
‘He missed out in Qatar (three years ago) through injury; I missed out because Scotland never went. We always discussed what it would be like going to this World Cup and I know he will be somewhere smiling over me. I just couldn’t get him out of my head.’
It absolutely wasn’t Robertson’s intention to bring an issue to the surface, as he was doing what he always does – speaking from the heart, with truth and honesty. Anyone who has had dealings with him will tell you he knows no other way; if you make a friend of the left back, you do so for life.
Liverpool are still dealing with the grief of Diogo Jota’s death – as Andy Robertson so powerfully showed
Robertson reminisced of conversations with Jota after leading Scotland to the World Cup for the first time this century
He’s the life and soul of the dressing room, the man who downloaded the app for the game show ‘Tenable’ to host quizzes on the team bus. Robertson is never afraid to speak but, when he didn’t know an answer, he would often lose his voice – it led him being dubbed ‘Stuart Little’, the quiet mouse, by his team-mates and he loves that kind of joust.
So, too, did Jota and that is why he and Robertson got on so well. That snap quote, then, carried you into Liverpool’s dressing room and provided a raw glimpse of the burden which they have carried since July 3. Sport carries on so relentlessly, it is easy to forget about what is actually important.
Nobody at Liverpool would for a moment consider making a connection from the crash in northern Spain, which claimed the life of Jota and his brother Andre Silva, to the way Liverpool’s campaign has spluttered but what cannot be ignored is the pain with which they are grappling.
Every day there are reminders of Jota, from his locker in the dressing room that has been preserved, to the quirks of the fixture list that produce opponents against whom he flourished: Nottingham Forest visit Anfield on Saturday and, when the sides last met in January, Jota popped up with a vital goal.
‘We are always judged – sometimes fair, sometimes unfair,’ Arne Slot said during his weekly press conference. ‘I saw the interview as well live. I know that is an issue for us, which I think is completely normal.
‘But in these moments of time we, I, always think about how much it feels for his wife and his (three) children, because that’s so, so, so much harder for them than it is for us. But that we miss the player and the person, it is completely clear.
‘Maybe it tells you even more now we play Nottingham Forest; last season we were 1-0 down at Forest and it only took him one minute to score the equaliser (after coming on as a substitute). So now I’m talking about the player that we miss, for sure.
‘This season we haven’t managed to come back as many times as last season after being 1-0 down. He definitely played his part in that last season. But we also miss him as a person, that is completely clear. But again, his wife and children will miss him so, so, so much more. His parents as well.’
Every day there are reminders of Jota at Liverpool, from his locker to certain fixtures
Arne Slot remembered Jota ahead of his side’s clash with Nottingham Forest, highlighting his importance to his team last season
Slot said: ‘I always think about how much it feels for his wife and his (three) children’
There was a 10 second silence at the end of that answer, Slot’s gaze dropped down as he looked at his desk; doubtlessly, you will have been in the situation where someone much-missed has their name mentioned and all you can do is think.
For those who mixed with him every day, who had stories to tell about his trips to the Crucible to watch the world snooker championship or days at the Cheltenham Festival, it is a sense-scrambling situation; Robertson, simply, articulated how difficult they are finding the grieving process.
They will, however, continue to remember him. In the 20th minute on Saturday afternoon, as is always the case, Liverpool’s fans will rise and sing Jota’s name. One day the ritual will end and it has been a topic of debate in recent days among fans about when it will be appropriate.
But not at the moment: Liverpool’s players, as Robertson proved, need support more than ever.
‘I think it’s good for us to (remember) him every time possible because of the person and the player he was,’ said Slot. ‘But it’s impossible to measure what it does to the players and then to measure what it does to our results. The last thing I would do is to use it as an excuse as I simply I don’t know.
‘What I do know is that we miss the player – that’s 100 per cent sure – and we also miss the person. but I cannot measure what impact that has on our performances, let alone on our results. That’s impossible for me to say and we will never use it as an excuse because that doesn’t feel right.’
It absolutely isn’t an excuse. It doesn’t mean, however, that it’s not an issue. Grief, sadly, never leaves you alone.